Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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