# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm getting married
To pizza
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
