It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
sex in a hospital.. check
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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