Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
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