i jhust puked up my retainher.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
