No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
