i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
