Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
