Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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