I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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