I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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