my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
