i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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