If i come over, it means nothing
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
