oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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