just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
