i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
