Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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