My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
