nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
