Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
