Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Randomize
