Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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