I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
