That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
