last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.