I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
