You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
