My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
