I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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