so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
