She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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