Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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