They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
