Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
