Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(208): View more from Idaho

Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"

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(573): View more from Missouri

just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.

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(408): View more from California

How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?

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19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Read it at the TFLN blog
(772): View more from Florida

The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.

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(503): View more from Oregon

This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.

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(215): View more from Pennsylvania

There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.

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