Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
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The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
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Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.