Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
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do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
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If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.