sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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