your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
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the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list