Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
seriously i just wanna be friends
can u get pink eye on your cock?
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.