Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?