Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
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