I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
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i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
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Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.