Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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