having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
