I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
