he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
