I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
