Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
