Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
