And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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