and you said cock pushups were impossible
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
