I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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