It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
