How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
