im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
