You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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