32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
