i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
