Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
