and next time when you feel me up, do it right
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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