She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
