if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
