just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
