cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
