not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
