I feel like I'm in dance class right now
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
