I like to think it a success when the cops are called
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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