a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
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I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
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If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.