Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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