Texts From Last Night

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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.

  (623): View more from Arizona

  Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.

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  (602): I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one. (623): Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully. http://tfl.nu/x05a
  Replies (36) Good night (4688) Bad night (622)
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  (716): View more from New York

  i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave

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  (716): i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave http://tfl.nu/v8cs
  Replies (39) Good night (814) Bad night (4836)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?

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  (732): I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!? http://tfl.nu/ocr3
  Replies (69) Good night (1849) Bad night (9903)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.

  (406): View more from Montana

  IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.

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  (509): Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober. (406): IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out. http://tfl.nu/sia4
  Replies (10) Good night (1120) Bad night (4019)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.

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  (413): I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date. (215): You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds. http://tfl.nu/2p7v
  Replies (38) Good night (5984) Bad night (1107)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?

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  (419): I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat? http://tfl.nu/2nrh
  Replies (30) Good night (1168) Bad night (4191)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog

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  (908): you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog http://tfl.nu/njtd
  Replies (6) Good night (1293) Bad night (3024)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.

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  (610): we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again. http://tfl.nu/goom
  Replies (6) Good night (3224) Bad night (911)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.

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  (601): I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it. http://tfl.nu/j6vg
  Replies (16) Good night (1046) Bad night (2061)
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  (587): View more from Alberta

  Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!

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  (587): Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?! http://tfl.nu/tyzg
  Replies (19) Good night (2233) Bad night (745)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences

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  (303): We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences http://tfl.nu/lf6j
  Replies (2) Good night (602) Bad night (871)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.

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  (740): I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs. http://tfl.nu/ltie
  Replies (3) Good night (1124) Bad night (596)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.

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  (613): I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone. http://tfl.nu/7z2d
  Replies (4) Good night (970) Bad night (511)
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  (323): View more from California

  We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.

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  (323): We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40. http://tfl.nu/6iay
  Replies (4) Good night (1005) Bad night (526)
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum

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  (337): Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum http://tfl.nu/ae6k
  Replies (7) Good night (861) Bad night (505)

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