she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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