I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.