look no pants
it was like having sex with a tree stump
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
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He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
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If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.