Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
