did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
soo... how was my night?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
