I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
