Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
