his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
