alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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