Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
