i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
