I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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