he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
