you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sext me about skeletons
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
