I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
He passed out mid-signature
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
