Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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